I'm Kitten, a Neutral Good pansexual poly pagan geek mom living in Seattle, actively searching for new ideas and new connections. I'm a strange mix of experienced and n00b when it comes to poly; I've been actively living the poly lifestyle since 1997, but have lived in mostly small towns, and have kindof stumbled into partners by accident. I have never experienced a poly community...until very recently. This has opened up a whole new world to me, as well as new pitfalls that I'd never been aware of. Join me as I chronicle my journey into this incredibly rewarding lifestyle.
Note: Nicknames or initials will always be used in this blog. If you think you know who I'm referring to, DO NOT call them out by name or use identifying characteristics.
"A slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." -Dossie Easton
I JUST (as in about an hour ago) finished reading a book that explains exactly why I think the way that I think and act the way that I act in relationships (romantic or otherwise). It’s called Attached, by Drs. Levine and Heller. I firmly believe this book should be required reading for polys, right up there with Ethical Slut, Sex at Dawn, and Open. I learned so much about myself, why former partnerships failed…it even explained exactly why my mother is so toxic to me.
Everyone should pick up a copy of this book and read it immediately. Not only has it assisted me in deciphering past relationships, it’s definitely going to help me in current partnerships, and will make a massive difference in any future interactions.
Even if you’re not dating, have no plans to date, I strongly suggest picking up this book. Its lessons are transformative in all interactions, whether romantic or not, poly or not. It’s a quick read, and the value of what you’ll learn will quickly outstrip the fairly small purchase price.
Here’s a link to the book. No, I’m not affiliated with the authors or publisher in any way. :)
This. Oh, this. http://tacit.livejournal.com/378670.html It’s not that new relationships aren’t threatening to existing relationships…they ARE. It’s how you handle it that makes the difference.
Particularly these lines: “…adopt a policy of resilience—to know that even if things change in my relationship, I will be OK. Another is to advocate for my needs; if I need something from my partner that I’m not getting, but I don’t ask for it, clearly and directly, then it’s not my partner’s fault if I don’t have it. Still another is transparency—always sharing with my partner, even things that might be hard to talk about or that I’m afraid my partner might not want to hear.
These tools don’t make it 100% safe for my partner to start new relationships. But then, nothing can do that; there’s no choice my partner makes that’s ever 100% safe for our relationship, and I think it’s time to acknowledge that.”
And I think this is my motto, which I already practice and believe in, but Franklin says FAR more eloquently than I: “Any new relationship will potentially introduce new elements and new stressors to my relationship. I don’t mind, as long as I know that my partner is dedicated to preserving our relationship, and that my partner and I have the skills, the willingness, the desire, and the intention of making choices that will protect our existing relationship.”
Saw this post on one of my poly FB groups and simply HAD to share it.
Perfect illustration of non-hierarchical poly.